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British Basics









	Halo! Thaire, welcome to London,

	passport check, hey, start a tour,

	but don't trust the underground; it's a killer.

	Its winding and binding water-hose ways

	will amuse confuse, and just might abuse you.



	Take this tunnel train #45 into the underground,

	to Holbrum, 3 stops, then swing it to Piccadilly.

	It's close to swing-high discos,

	and the cheap frills there are not as low as Sohos'.



	Looking out a cafe window, I sit

	watching the drunken people on Soho street. 

	I turn toward my waiter and say,

	"Yes, headwaiter, where is my hotel route?"

	Rude waiter responds  with some joking phrase,

	"What do I look like Mary Poppins' boyfriend covered with soot!"



	But, let me get back to the British basics

	and all roads lead toward Big-Ben.

	The exchange rate here will murder you;

	it only costs a heart and a lung,

	and if you're lucky maybe only 1.8972 American to British.



	This place, this country, full of creative flow,

	which overlaps into the basin of a stopped-up sink, is great.

	But toward my hotel in Liverpool,

	I got mugged (Did you?)

	I handed over my money, at fist-point,

	but, it only cost a pound or so.



	Ho! That accent, that anti-redneckish way,

	and their Bobbies go in and out of  the alleys,

	and onto the streets.

	They're mad as all the insane ones

	of Holbrum mental ward #53.



	I saw most of the sights, Big Ben, Wesminster Abbey.         

	I saw all the streets, Liverpool, Piccadilly, Soho.

	I saw enough, and that, was too much for me



	Who gives a care? I am going home anyway!

	Back to the home of the plain old Golden Arches of 'McDonalds,'

	and 'Burger King' apple pie.

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